What Isit

Why judge your past, to determine your future. Go into it with the same blind ambition you were born with. Clueless as to what will happen, hanging onto your past familiarities, and crying so much that you blind yourself from the guiding light. Next time, don’t fight it, reach for that helping hand, it could lead to a new beginning.

Why judge your past, to determine your future. Go into it with the same blind ambition you were born with. Clueless as to what will happen, hanging onto your past familiarities, and crying so much that you blind yourself from the guiding light. Next time, don’t fight it, reach for that helping hand, it could lead to a new beginning.

I, never dreamed you’d leave in summer, you said you would be here when it rained, now the situation has made things change, why, didn’t you stay.

It’s funny how when you change your life for the better, those supporting the change in the first place, leave during your changing process. Those who can stick through the changes, and realize the end product will be greater then what was thought before, are the ones who will be with you after the war and the smoke clears. The ones who get lost in the smoke, and never reach for your hand, were never meant to be there and will never be with you till the end.

…because forever only comes once in a life time.

If I could get the strength and courage to tell you, I would, when I saw you in front of all those people, explaining what you are trying to do, and how much of a positive influence you have on them, it made me unspeakably proud, I can not explain how much respect I have for you, how I wish I could do something that big, how I now know, we really are very similar, but also very different. What I saw that day, isn’t what I am used to seeing. I got a peak behind the scenes, just like you see me behind the scenes of my everyday life. I saw a man full of pride, passion, the obvious love you have for what you are doing, how you have this idea, this vision of the future, and you will let nothing stop you from reaching your destination, you give me strength, you give me hope. I listen more then you think, I always have, you showed me how to respect everybody. I follow your words every day, how there is more then one way to your destination and how there are many paths in the journey of life. I would be lost with you, you are the man I respect the most. I love you, Dad.

It starts with that first breath. Not even a step, if you step first, you are likely to fall, or even step backwards, so just clear your mind, let your body do what it does, it lives. So just breathe.

If I wanted to leave, if I never wanted to see anyone again, I’d hop on my bike and disappear into the wind, I’d leave it all, find a new town and start over again. I’ve tried and tried, wished and wished, haven’t seen a shooting star since we shared that kiss, dented the roof, watched the stars, fell asleep in your lap, and was in your arms, that was the life, when I found what I thought was true love, some say it doesn’t exist but I can prove them wrong, I can be like Alladin, I’ll show you the world, but the world was once in my arms, if you didn’t guess it was your charm. I wish I could go back, refuse to start my new life, if I could have you by my side, see you every morning and every night, take you to the castle, so I could try to be your knight, then maybe you’d stay, you would say, this feeling, this is right, but I had to swallow my pride, put my mind and body on the line, risk us, to help others, not for my benefit, I was happier then ever before, I walked into stress, pain and and a torn war, I try to fight, but without you in my sight, I lose hope, with every answering machine beep, every message I have to delete, I retreat. I have a shell, don’t we all, some hide longer, some don’t hide at all, I wish I could see you, if only for a second, to see that smile that brightened my life, to hear the voice that shattered all my doubts of never finding another one, you walked into my life at the most random of times, you gave me hope, cheered my cries, whiped my tear filled eyes, but you never knew how much you meant to me, even when I’d write you a book a day, and a song a night, I’d never be able to tell you how much it meant to me that night, when you re-entered my life, I could hardly walk to your table. If you give me a chance, I still don’t understand what happened, it’s pretty sad that this is the only way I can get to you, maybe if i knew your address, or left this in a bottle of dreams, this letter from my heart would reach you through the roughest of stormy seas.

Don’t keep me hanging on, if you have already let go. You must have found out, your heart will always let you know, that when it’s time, it must be time to show, the world what they’ve been missing, to break free of this prison, they say if you love a person, you must set them free, it’s selfish of me to hope that you can hang on long enough for us to meet once more, Just as quickly as you entered and turned my world upside down, you left without a trace and flipped it right back around. To you, the one, who gave me a chance, you just couldn’t see it through and I have no one to blame, just an apology to make true, we lost or flame, I am ashamed, I missed one chance to say good bye, I won’t miss this one. You are free, you showed me that from a seed can grow a tree, and it can whither and wilt, but in the end, it must leave, as the seasons change, it may come back if it was meant to be, I hope you find happiness, and shelter in this life that is a rocky sea.

Why did you go? Maybe all we want is an explanation, or a reason. Something to explain the unexplainable. Truth is, you may never know, and that’s the beauty in it. To not think about right and wrongs or to blame who did what, or how you missed out. It’s to enjoy the thoughts and memories, and to know that if you went back, for the fear of finding out the unknown, you’d do it the same way. To never hold on, to never hold back, to know that if you took every chance, if you shared every feeling, that you’d be left empty inside, full of the same questions. Some say that I’m a dreamer…

It may be sad that the best moment of the past 3 weeks was tonight, when after months I finally figured out how to make a wrap and have every ingredient in every bite. Think I love my job and cooking too much? Nope, just loving life and all the opportunities being presented to me at the moment. Only if I could go back to a time where I had a chance to make a dozen wishes on those shooting stars, I’d use them all to wish you back in my arms.

You would think she would notice, even take a hint, this flame is dying, it’s all gone even the flint. I try and try, but it’s a losing battle, a tear drop of water on a raging forest fire. Yet I still hold on, I walk through the flames, only time will tell, will it ignite again? Happened so quickly, didn’t even realize, I fell for her, her love is like honey, very sticky, the pain is like that bee sting, slowly you realize it’s more then just pain, your losing a losing game, why try when she only hides? Afraid of what, to show your insides? Everybody is the same, bones, muscle and blood, look even deeper and you’ll realize it’s much thicker then mud, like quick sand I was trapped, weeded in the joy, couldn’t get out, I tried and tried, what to do now that I’m playing the seeker to myself and I only eat lies, feed off of the hurt, breathe off her breath, but I haven’t felt it lately, like theft it was stolen from me, how to find it, how do I know, I’ll never end my search or quit, maybe her love was just faux.

Tomorrow is my day off, so no new food creations. Gotta wait until Wednesday for something special, wait, Wednesday is steak night soo maybe Thursday or Friday. I promise it will be worth the wait. Appetizer, entrée, and a dessert. All with something in common…